Due: Monday, April 22, 2013; 10am
1. Have you ever been exposed to somebody (yourself
or a friend) with commitment issues? How did the issues affect the
relationship?
2. Think about your parents, if the typical gender
roles were reversed on them, how would you life be affected?
1. One of my good friends has always been afraid to commit in regard to romantic relationships. She meets a lot of new guys and there has been a few she has really liked. When the relationship begins to become more intimate, she suddenly changes her mind and decides she does not like the person anymore. This impacts the two individually and their relationship as a whole. She ends up back to square one, the boy is upset and starts to use self-blame to consider why she ended things, and their relationship stagnates, making it impossible to even be friends afterwards.
ReplyDelete2. For my family, this question is not really hypothetical because the gender roles are flipped. Normally, we think of women at home cooking and cleaning while men go to work and pay the bills. However, with my mom and step-dad, the roles are reversed. My step-dad was laid off a few years ago after working as a stockbroker for many years. After that he switched off between a few small jobs but mostly remained unemployed. My mom works at a law firm for a typical 9 to 5 career. While she's at work earning money, my step-dad stays at home and cooks and cleans. One result I have noticed from this is tension and resentment. My mother sees no problems with the roles because several years ago, she was the one who stayed at home. However, my step-dad gets aggressive sometimes with money issues. I can see how it affects him personally and then goes on to affect the relationship.
1. One of my close friends has a lot of trouble committing. She thinks that she wants to do something and then changes her mind about the idea later on. In high school, this friend and I were planning on going on a mission trip together over the summer. She signed up for the trip and came to the first few meetings with me. She then stopped going to the meetings. I warned her that it would be a good idea to attend them because she was missing out on important information. She just kind of shrugged it off and I thought I would let her do what she wanted. It wasn't util a few weeks later when I brought the topic up again that she informed me that she no longer wanted to go on the trip. This really disappointed me. I did not understand why she could not have just told me beforehand that she was no longer interested in going on the trip. She was the only good friend that was going with me on the trip. I decided not to let this friend bring me down. I still went on the trip and had a lot of fun. On the trip I grew very close to another girl from my school and now consider her to be one of my best friends. This commitment issue meant growing less close to one friend and making a new one.
ReplyDelete2. Typically when people used to think of gender roles, they thought of the stereotypical versions of them. They saw men and the breadwinners and women as stay-at-home mothers. I do not feel that this stereotype is as common today. Usually men and women both have jobs in order to support their families. In my household, both of my parents work. They also make most of their decisions together. I never have to ask one parent and have them say "Go ask your father/mother." If I ask one parent they will give me an answer and the other parent almost always agrees. I typically ask my mom when I have a question or when I need something. This is because I feel that I am somewhat closer to my mom since she is home more often. If the roles were flipped and my dad was home more often, I would probably be asking him the things that I ask my mom. I do not think that this would change anything since both of my parents usually agree.
1. Yes, I have been exposed to a few people with commitment issues. The issues usually made it hard to strengthen the relationship and would eventually cause the relationship to end.
ReplyDelete2. This is a harder question for me to answer since my parents are divorced, and I have never experienced living with my dad. So I guess if I did live with both of my parents and my mom took on the stereotypical gender roles of cooking and cleaning on a daily basis, and they were reversed to my dad then my dad would be the parent taking care of things, making sure everything is clean, and making sure everyone is eating. But like I said, I guess I just cannot imagine their gender roles reversed because my mom basically already has to take on every role by herself, no matter which gender that particular role is usually given to or thought to be a characteristic of. I am sure my dad probably has to do the same, but I am not with him on a daily basis so I cannot say for sure what roles he takes on.
1) Yes I have been exposed to someone with commitment issues. My Ex-boyfriend had been cheated on by his old girlfriend and that experience in his life, gave him terrible commitment issues. He was very hesitant with how he trusted me and he was very suspicious and always skeptical. He never wanted anything to be serious with us, he was ultimately scared to let himself get committed to someone and then be betrayed like he had in the past. Eventually, this influenced our relationship in a negative way. I understood where he was coming from, but it caused a lot of negative problems that eventually led to the termination of the relationship.
ReplyDelete2) If the gender roles were to be switched throughout my parents, things would be very different. My dad is a stockbroker and is at work from when the market opens at 7am and till it closes every day. My mom was a stay at home mom for all of my life, until this past year, where she picked up a job at my sisters school as a teachers substitute. Her job is very flexible, she might work three days a week or she might work none. It all depends on who needs coverage, and if my mom is available to cover for that specific teacher. My mom cleans the house and drives my little sister to dance and all of her after school activities, my mom is a stereotypical "soccer mom". I cannot imagine if my mom was the one who was working downtown all day Mondays through Fridays. I did experience the roles switched somewhat my sophomore year in high school when my dad got laid off. He was always at home and my mom was subbing on and off. My mom and dad handled this switch in roles very well, for they knew it was only permanent until my dad found another job. If it was always like this, I think my dad would feel bitter towards my mom because, even though she wasn’t intentionally doing it, but he might feel like his masculinity had been taken away. My life would not be affected by this, if this was how it was always like and going to be because I would be used to it like that. If they were to switch now, I would feel like I still had to go to my mom for things, even though my dad would kind of be like the typical stay at home mom.
One of my ex-boyfriends did have commitment problems. Before we were dating, he would find every excuse that we shouldn't be together. Once we were dating, he was very wary of saying or doing anything that would show commitment. It was very tough on the relationship because it was frustrating for me to be always kept at a distance. In the end, his commitment issues are what split us up.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, the gender roles in my house were very traditional. My mom did all the cooking and cleaning while my dad fixed things, mowed the lawn, etc. I never really questioned it because that was "normal." However, when my mom got cancer in high school, my dad had to pick up some of the more traditional women's roles. I don't think that this changed a lot though because things still functioned smoothly and everything got done, even if it was by someone else.
1) I myself have never commitment issues, actually quite the opposite. But a couple friends of mine who have never had a serious relationship and see all the things that others go through, it almost scares them into thinking that relationships are not worth the pain, or are pointless until a certain age. I have seen both sides of the spectrum...the ones who have issues because of somebody hurting them once upon a time and they do not want to date again, or there are the ones who have never had a serious relationship before and frankly they just do not know have to have one, and that is why they are forever single.
ReplyDelete2) The roles in my house are kind of distributed equally throughout the family, the women are not cooking and cleaning and the men are not just working and eating. Even if the roles were flipped it would change nothing considering we do very similar things for the household and for our family. My father will cook and clean occasionally and my mother will occasionally work in the yard or do traditional "manly" things.
1.) I guess I could have commitment issues, seeing as i have never been in a relationship. When it comes to my friends, the ones who have been in relationships or are in relationships never had many commitment issues. though that only includes a few people since most of my friends are single and have always been single.
ReplyDelete2.) My life would be affected very much if the gender roles were switched. Since my dad works from 6 am till six at night, he isn't home much. I have grown up with my mom being home and taking care of my siblings and I; this includes cooking, cleaning, and driving us every where! From growing up like this I have a very open relationship with my mom much more than I have with my dad. So if the roles were switched I feel I would be closer with my dad instead, and my dad would hopefully be able to cook as well.
1) I have been exposed to somebody with commitment issues. One of my good friends has commitment issues. They always say they are going to hang out with us and go do things with us and most of the time end up doing something else and not letting us know until last minute. Our circle of friends have learned not to count on this person to actually show up but always invite them, because when they do show up it is a great time. This experience has made somewhat of a negative affect on our relationship, but we are still friends just the same, we just don't ever count on them to say what they are going to do.
ReplyDelete2)The stereotypical gender roles are usually that the man "brings home the bacon" and does the yard work while the woman is the "homemaker." At our house these rules never really used to apply. Mom and Dad would do whatever needed to get done regardless of who was doing what. Then when my mom had her stroke it sort of put us into those stereotypical gender roles with dad going to work every day and mom staying at home and cooking and cleaning. Even though their lives are set up how they typical gender roles would have it they still do things that are considered the other gender's "job" If mom were to get a job and dad to lose his things really wouldn't change, my relationships with my parents would be the same, because they both make time to be with us kids and things needed to get done would get done simple as that.
1. I tend to think that sometimes I have commitment issues, but it is normally in a relationship that is rekindling with someone who was already in my life before and then the relationship ended and things got awkward. If they wanted to become friends, or more, again, I would have problems committing to them because I didn't want to get hurt again. It is hard to open back up to someone that has already hurt you.
ReplyDelete2. In my parents, a lot of gender roles are reversed. My mom works really late, so my dad is often in charge of dinner and laundry. Even though they both work a lot, my mom is the one who "wears the pants." My dad tends to do whatever my mom wants, and he always agrees with her. He never has his own opinion, and if he does, he doesn't voice it. My dad does tend to bring home more money, but my mom is not a house wife. Neither of them stayed home when we were kids, we went to daycare. I think my parents are far from the normal gender roles.
1) While I have never had commitment issues myself, I have seen them present in the relationships of those close to me. One example is my sister's relationship. Over the course of four years, my sister and this guy, "Joey", dated 26 times. In this case, dating meant being in a relationship. From the beginning, I could see that "Joey" wasn't the relationship type. His longest relationship was three months (with my sister). This came surprising to me considering his friends said he had quite a lot of girlfriends in junior high (if that even counts). Unfortunately, his non-committal ways lead to the relationship's demise. She didn't trust him enough and he would always ditch her to make plans with his friends. Thankfully, my sister realized that he was no good for her and moved on with her life.
ReplyDelete2) If the gender role were reversed, but life would change a little but not drastically. My dad does make the majority of the income, but my mother works as well. If my mom is busy at work and my dad is home, he attempts to help with the laundry and take out our dog. He cleans the house and makes sure that my siblings and I help so my mom doesn’t have to worry about it when she gets home. As of a few years ago, he picked up golf as sport and often hangs out with his friends after work, so my mom does most of the chores when she can. When I’m home, I try to help with the small things, like washing the dishes or taking my dog for a walk. Because my dad works full-time and my mom works part-time, gender roles are definitely present within my family. My dad would have to take more responsibility and would not have as much time to socialize if my mom decided to become a full-time employee. My mom has never been the typical stay at home mom and my dad isn't the "bread-winner". Both of my parents work to provide for my siblings and me and take care of our home to make it a safe and livable place. If these roles were reversed, I wouldn’t have the typical meal that mom serves and I would definitely have to do my own laundry.
1. Yes I have been affected by that before. It is myself. At numerous times, I get asked to do things and I say to I might be able to do it or I might be able to go. I wouldn't usually commit to it so I could leave myself with options. I would usually make people mad. Those including my family, friends and even my girlfriend. It has at times weakened my relationships with these people and almost destroy my relationship with my girlfriend. I'm thankful that I have worked on this problem and now I can now commit to more things.
ReplyDelete2. Well I think I may act much differently than what I do today. But I believe that I would be more concerned of what my mother would think of me. Typically my father would look down on me if I was to do something wrong and punish me if I did. So That is one example to where my mom would have changed roles. I also believe, that I would go to my father for more advice about sensitive things. The reason is because I went to my mom to talk about more things than what I did to my dad. So that is a couple things I would do to the changing of gender roles of parents.
1.Yes, I have been exposed to several of my friends having commitment issues. Several of my guy friends have issues committing to if they are going to hang out with my group of friends and I. An example of this is that when asked to hang out with us, they usually reply via text with a response like “Maybe, we’ll see”, leaving it very unclear whether they are actually going to show up or not. This makes it extremely difficult to consider them reliable people and more ambiguous in terms of if the plans are set in stone. Set aside from this confusion, in terms of how the issues affected the relationship, it is slowly terminating. My group of friends and I no longer ask these guys to hang out, and they, in turn, never ask us to hang out either. We rarely talk anymore because of these commitment issues.
ReplyDelete2.If the typical gender roles were reversed on my parents, my life would not really be affected at all. My mother is a pediatric psychologist who works full-time, and my father is a high-school librarian, who recently got cut to only working part-time. My parents equally share the household chores of cooking, cleaning the house, doing laundry, and feeding the cat. Although my mom is a little more stressed due to her working full-time, my dad always makes sure to help out around the house with anything that needs to be done, especially if my mom is still at work. With this being said, since both of my parents work and do the housework, there is really no need for the gender roles to be reversed. However, an example of when the gender roles were somewhat reversed was after my mom suffered from a mini-stroke last year. Not only did my dad have to take on more responsibility than usual, but my sister and I had to help out with a lot of stuff that was normally done for us, by our mother. We had to go grocery shopping, clean the house more often, and take out the trash. This wasn’t really a huge deal for us though, since I was 18 at the time, and my sister was 15. During this time period, my mom acted like the “stay-at-home-mom”, due to the fact that she had to take time off work to recuperate. I guess you could say that my dad brought home the “big bucks” and earned more of the money at this point in time. I still do not feel that my life was affected by this event, because I saw both of my parents for the same amount of time as I did before, and I still went to each of them equally when seeking advice.
1. I think that most people have experienced a relationship in which commitment issues were involved. I went through this situation after I broke up with my girlfriend. It was tough because after we broke up, it was difficult for me to trust someone like I did with my ex-girlfriend. When I met my current girlfriend, our relationship took longer to develop because I kept myself sheltered. This had positive and negative effects on our relationship. It helped because it has kept our relationship interesting because we learn something new about each other every day. It also hurt our relationship because I might not have told something about myself after she told me something and she assumed I was hiding something when in reality, I had commitment issues.
ReplyDelete2. If the gender roles of my parents had been switched, my life some differences. First of all, I cannot see my father cooking every meal like my mother does. However, they both do work and not much else would really change around the house. I might have been inclined to play a less dangerous sport than football or something like that. Other than that, most things would be the same and my relationships with them would be unaltered.
1. Yes, and it affects the relationship in many ways. By issues I assume you mean in a negative way. However, I disagree that all of them are negative. Although the negatives are far more common than the positives. The negatives I have faced were that they had trust issues in conjunction to the commitment issues. I would go out all the time and they would think that I was cheating on them or something of that nature when we technically weren't going out. Also in addition, I told this girl I had pink eye because she wouldn't stop saying we should be together after I broke up with her. After I said this she came over and practically stocked me, while I was with my friends, she watched me from afar and then came out of no where. I believe that the reason she didn't want to break up was because she had worked so hard to be comfortable with our relationship, then she grew to comfortable, and became obsessive. It can be positive if you don't want to be in a committed relationship.
ReplyDelete2. Well I am not to sure. Because my parents are divorced; one is more successful than the other. I suppose that the only thing that would be affected is the closeness of my relationships with them individually, and the dynamics of our relationships. I would maybe spend more time with the other one. Other than that, I believe that gender roles in families are way less prevalent in today's society because typically both parents work. That is why it is hard to distinguish the blurred lines of gender roles.